Kall of K-thulhu! - A Gamer's Requiem
by Ace Lawliet
Summary: This is the heartwarming story of a group of young girls battling it out against the eldritch forces of darkness. Actually, no. This is the semi-novelization of a Call of Cthulhu campaign played with K-On characters on an island suspiciously shaped like Rokkenjima. It is fairly comical at the get-go, but will likely get darker as the story continues. Based on a true story.


_**Kall of K-thulhu!**_

_**Session I – Twister and Baseball Bats**_

Gather 'round, kiddies, and listen well. It's story time: the story of a Call of Cthulhu campaign known as Call of Cthulhu: Island Adventure. The following is a true story; as such, names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved.

Long, long ago in March of 2014, on a website far, far away called Roll20, a group of friends had the idea to run a campaign of Call of Cthulhu. However, this was no ordinary campaign, for it was not to use original characters, nor was it using a pre-written story. No. It was to be a completely original campaign using the cast of the moe-riffic anime by Kyo-Ani, K-On! Winston was the Dungeon Master, and Ui Hirasawa was played by yours truly, one Ace "The Alchemist" Lawliet. The remaining player cast consisted of Rick as Tsumugi "Mugi, Li Shuwen" Kotobuki, Morty as Azusa Nakano, and Gilbert as everyone's favorite Metalhead Sensei, Sawako Yamanaka(who, from this point on, I will be referring to as simply "Sensei," because it's infinitely easier for all of us that way). The remaining main cast of Yui, Ritsu, and Mio were to be NPCs because no one wanted to play them. I mean seriously. Mio's SAN would be so low that merely looking at it would require a SAN check on your own part. Anyhow, the story was to take place on a remote island that was basically Rokkenjima but inhabited by more than just a family of rich fucks; Ningyo Island, it was called.

You see, MANAGER MAN, the band's manager, decided that after a hit album and several cases of panty-snatching everyone deserved a break. He decided to organize a vacation to the aforementioned remote island that was basically Rokkenjima but inhabited by more than just a family of rich fucks. Everyone seemed on board with it; a fun vacation to a vacation home owned by Mugi's obscenely rich family. What possibly could go wrong? Well, everything. Everything could go wrong. This was Call of Cthulhu, but I digress.

In the end, we managed to get an extra two-thousand dollars each out of MANAGER MAN, because why not? This was a board game(being played online). As long as the dice were in our favor, we could do whatever we wanted. Mugi had very high Fast Talk, meaning it was extremely simple to get said money out of said manager. And so the adventure began.

We began our adventure in MANAGER MAN's office, getting money. But of course, that's what the last paragraph was about and all, so enough of that. The _real _adventure began once we were on a boat. The only ones on the boat were the player characters and a captain, Winston's reasoning being that the others were already there at the island. When asked if we wished to do anything during the boat ride, we mutually decided to make "I'm on a Boat" by the Lonely Island references and to call Mugi's parents to get even more money and perhaps some supplies. The only references to the former in the entire session was our deciding we would make the jokes and being sad when we got off the boat, having realized we never made a single one of said jokes.

And so, the adventure began. But this is a different adventure. This was an adventure to find Mugi's cellphone. You see, children, she had misplaced it somewhere on the boat like an idiot. We did not know how or why she misplaced it, but she had nonetheless. And so, Ui, Mugi, and Azusa all decided to go into a dark room on the boat to search for the phone while Sensei sat on the deck sunbathing. After both Mugi and Ui failed Spot Hidden checks, due to both having a stat for the skill in the low 20s, Azusa came to the rescue with her perfect Spot Hidden stat on 99. Except, she did not Spot Hidden the phone, no. She Spot Hidden'd the light switch as to make it so there was no longer a darkness penalty on our vital stat. Both Mugi and Ui had attempted such before trying to find the phone and failed. After a real life hour of bumbling around in the dark for a light switch, there was finally light. But of course, Ui and Mugi had to find the phone themselves because, for some reason, neither Rick, nor Morty, nor I had decided that "Hey, maybe every Spot Hidden we do should be Azusa" yet. That was for later. Anyway, in a miracle, Ui managed to find the phone and all was right with the world.

All except for the fact that everyone agreed Sensei should do the talking. She had a Persuasion skill of 95, after all. The problem was, someone would have to wake her up. Winston specifically stated in his DM word thingies that it probably was not a good idea to awaken the sleeping beast. Too bad for Ui, both Mugi and Azusa succeeded in Fast Talk checks persuading the poor Best Girl to splash water on Sensei's face to wake her up. It was, quote, "the only way." Hoping to avoid Sensei's fury, Rick and Morty both decided to Hide. Rick failed his roll, and Mugi fled to her room(with her phone, mind you) in plain sight of Ui.

After splashing the water on Sensei and awakening her to anger, Best Girl managed to calm her teacher down after explaining the situation. Sensei was understanding of Ui's plight and requested the phone so as to speak with Mugi's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Monoply[sic], about obtaining the money and supplies. The only person with any requests for supplies was Ui; I knew what I was getting into with Call of Cthulhu(or at least I thought I did), and had decided that it would be a good idea to have some Pepper Spray and a First Aid Kit. Ui had a high First Aid skill and was to be designated as the Team Medic, though this would never come to fruition.

Ui went back to Mugi's room and obtained the phone and Mugi herself, delivering both the Sensei. The conversation went down as one would expect it to, and the girls were to have the supplies delivered to the vacation home soon. A short time after the phone call, everyone arrived on the island and went to the home, all happy-go-lucky and stuff like that.

I feel the need to mention a certain flier we all obtained upon boarding the ship regarding a string of serial kidnappings on the island. No one, and I mean no one, really gave that many shits until much later. I'd also like to say that the boat crudely drawn on the grid covered only about two tiles, so there was a tower of K-On! faces atop a little sailboat. It was quite humorous.

Upon reaching the island, everyone found their rooms; Mugi had chosen the "Child's Room," Sensei had chosen the room nearest the study, and the remaining room went to Ui and Azusa who were to room together. All of the NPC band members were staying in the Guest House. Sensei immediately went to the study upon reaching the island and found an old, indecipherable book in German along with some Shinto texts. The girls decided to practice in the mansion's sound studio for a couple hours, and we were treated to "Don't Say 'Lazy'."

After the practice was had, we were treated to tea. Because as we all know, the main reason for K-On! existing is the tea.

At this point, we'd been playing for a few hours and decided to take a break. I made myself a pot of pasta and a glass of sparkling cider that expired in 2012 but had yet to be opened, so I figured "why the hell not?" Before continuing our campaign, Rick and I decided to play a game of League. We laned together, me as Jinx and he as Morgana. We won.

The adventure continues! After our game of League, everybody was ready to continue. We had all practiced our music and Sensei was still in the study. It was up to us to decide what to do next, and we were about to go swimming, but ultimately decided against it due to Morty not having been present at that exact moment. Morty would not have enjoyed missing a pool scene. Instead, both Mugi and Ui suggested at the same time that everyone should play Twister. Sadly, no one had brought the game, and Ui, Azusa, Mugi, and Sensei decided to all go to the island's department store, Junes, to pick it up. Sensei also wished to go due to the possibility of someone being able to speak German who could decipher the book.

The quartet reached the department store and decided to split up. Sensei and Mugi went to the bookstore to inquire about the German book while Ui and Azusa went to the toy section to find a game of Twister. There were lots of games on the shelves, so Winston decided this needed a Spot Hidden check. Ui failed due to her low stat, as was to be expected, and Azusa found it due to her insane stat, also as to be expected. While they were checking out the game, there was a lot of information gathering done by Sensei. She figured out that in the late 19th century there was a eccentric dude living in the house who as a missionary or something and he died at an earthquake in these caves called the Tanto Caves. After said earthquake, they were renamed the Tanto Rocks because there wasn't a cave anymore. This is presumably where the main plot was kicking into action, clues about a mysterious book and an equally mysterious person, yada yada yada.

On the way back to the house, we got hungry and decided to look for a pizza place. Spot Hidden check time! Somehow, we all failed and went hungry. Ui was to cook something once everyone returned home. This, sadly, never ended up happening.

Upon returning to the house, Twister mat and spinner in hand and yuri-riffic Strip Poker x Twister in every player's minds(well, at least mine and Rick's), the PCs were shocked to come across the door being ajar. Spot Hidden checks abound as we search the dark house for clues to why the door was ajar. Our group of lolis was slowly getting more scared as they found a strangely typo'd note from someone reading "We'l be out. Sorry, -Miyo," a broken doorstop, and scuff marks along the floor. Seeing that the band's instruments were untouched, but the rest of the girls nowhere to be found, the group ascended to the second floor to check their rooms. The first to enter their room were Azusa and Ui, Mugi and Sensei having elected to enter theirs afterwards.

Lo and behold, what have we here? The first encounter happened the instant both Azusa and Ui were inside their room. There was a thug or a cultist (we could not tell yet) there for unknown reasons, and he happened to notice the two teenage girls walking in the room and promptly swung his baseball bat at them. Due to some very unlucky dice rolls and stat distribution, Ui was slammed in the face with the baseball bat and was killed instantly. It was impossible to use First Aid to fix her because she was at negative five health. My PC, killed in the first instants of the first encounter, literally no way to react. Gone. Dead. Skull smashed to bits. Needless to say, Azusa started flipping the fuck out and broke down in tears, clutching Ui's head to her chest. Despite how grimdark this may seem when put into writing, the picture used for said thug/cultist guy in tandem with the wackiness of the Slice of Life up until this point and the whole suddenness of the death lead to a fairly comical situation.

The enemy guy pranced over my favorite character's corpse and phased through the wall to get to the room housing the stairwell. Actually, he went past Azusa who was blocking the door, but it seemed like he phased through the wall, and it's funnier than way. Anyway, Mugi saw this man and decided to punch him. In the face.

You see, there's a reason why I introduced the young, rich girl with eyebrows that are likely Shoggoths in disguise as "Tsumugi 'Mugi, **Li Shuwen**' Kotobuki." Mugi had a few stats that went really well together, all obscenely high. STR, the power of her attacks, was 12/18. Punch, her likeliness for a punch to land was an insane 99. Martial Arts, an ability that doubles damage dealt by physical attacks in certain situations was 95. All of us in this group enjoy the Nasuverse, and within it is a character based on Li Shuwen. Basically, he's really overpowered, and since Mugi could pretty much punch out Cthulhu, we decided to name her after him.

In any case, Rick rolled. I struggle to remember the exact number, but it was less than a quarter of his Punch stat, meaning he not only landed the hit, but it was a Critical hit. Add in the bonus from Martial Arts, and you have an attack that hit the poor man so hard that his face was disfigured all to hell, and he was sent flying -literally flying- backwards, busting down the door to the study and resulting in an instant kill. Sadly for Mugi, the sight of his mangled face was too much and she had to SAN check.

The one problem with Mugi: she was a one man army, yes, but her SAN was insanely(teehee) low. Like. It was 30. Coupled with the fact that she got a bad roll, Mugi became suicidal and homicidal and tried to throw herself down the staircase, but was stopped by Sensei. A couple turns later, Sensei managed to get down the stairs somehow and I guess Mugi threw herself down them and survived, but unconscious, and likely breaking Sensei's legs in the process by landing on her. (I was not really paying attention very much during this part, seeing as how my player character was dead. I was spending my time making dead jokes and posting various Game Over themes in the chat.) Note that at this point, Azusa is still the only one that knows Ui is dead.

Azusa covered Ui with a sheet, and went out into the hall. She then proceeded to pry the baseball bat from the Cultisthug's cold grasp and make her way down the stairs. Using Azusa's phone, Sensei called the police about the home invader, but not about the teenager's dead body upstairs because she didn't know about it.

**A/N: And so endeth session I. Eventful, yes? At the current moment, I am attempting to roll up another character, one who can use guns so that we don't have to worry about Canon Stats or the fact that our sole source of defense risks being driven entirely batshit insane every time she pokes an enemy. I may or may not continue this story, depending on if I find the later sessions as funny or interesting plot-wise. Anyway, this is probably my first story where I've put a decent amount of effort in it anywhere, and it's not even an original story. Fantastic. **

**See you next chapter if there is one. -Ace**


End file.
